Voting can be very confusing. There’s all those names in there. People you’ve never heard of. It’s almost like a truck station bathroom stall. ”Vote Phil Bryant for a good time!” “Haley Barbour was here – 2010!” Who are these people? Are they imaginary? Are we playing pretend right now? Then you have to remember who your parents told you to vote for, but mostly who they said not to vote for because that person is a dick. I generally go along with them because I sure don’t want a dick in office. Do you? No, of course you don’t. No one likes dicks. “Dave Dennis loves dicks!” Damn it.

I’ve just realized that maybe the bathroom stall analogy doesn’t work very well for the majority of you. Do you city folk even recognize the machines in the comic as voting booths? You’ve probably had electronic booths for decades. We finally have them now but the first time I voted, which was only a few years ago, we had these monstrosities. Walk in, pull the huge lever, and the door slams shut on you like an iron maiden. WHAT DO? I guess you could panic and duck out under the curtain, but then you’d look silly.

- Chase

We can’t get through an election in this state without hearing how some dumbass couldn’t figure out how to work a voting booth. Yesterday our state held primary elections for offices like Governor and Lt. Governor. We also had primaries for local offices like Sheriff, Constable, Supervisor, and Superintendent. People around here get pretty bent out of shape over this shit. Chase and I voted, but I really don’t give a damn one way or another. Maybe I would if I thought any of the buttons I mashed would have some kind of impact on the direction our government heads, but I’m old enough to know better now. I just vote to keep the ‘rents from hazing me.

The worst part about the whole thing is how everyone says it’s so important to vote, but when you ask them about the candidates they’re clueless. No one knows who these people in the state-wide elections really are. Honestly, unless you’re a close personal friend to them, how can you tell them apart? They all spout variations on the same talking points, but when it comes down to whether this guy or gal is actually a good, honest person…who knows? I don’t, and I still mashed the buttons. What’s that tell you about our elected officials? That they’re the best person for the job? No, that a bunch of idiots like me picked them because their name rhymed with “fuck it”.

- Emmitt